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Hymn for the Missing
Love is not a word, it's an emotion. Love is not a thing, it's a feeling. Love is something we all need, whether you gave up on it or crave it. Chapter 1 Yet another dawn broke the sky. Amberpaw sat sadly in the darkest corner of the den she shared with Juniperpaw and Stormpaw. The den she was supposed to share with Duckpaw. A moon had flown by quickly. A moon without him. Amberpaw's heart lurched with yearning for Duckpaw. He was her friend. She was his only friend. Amberpaw was supposed to train with him. Love him. Figure him out. And yet, where was he know? Was he searching for her? Or maybe he disappeared from the world all together; nothing but a mere memory. Amberpaw's muscles ached as she got up. She had trained hard the day before, taking her rage out on a hanging ivy tendril. Nothing can cure my broken heart, she thought as Juniperpaw slowly stirred awake. "Hi, Amberpaw," Juniperpaw mumbled. Amberpaw gave a curt nod and left the den where she cried every night. Outside in the clearing, the deputy, Storkfeather, was assembling patrols. Rosebird the medicine cat was arranging herbs to dry in the sun. Redstar was inside the nursery where his mate Turtlestep lived in now. She was expecting. Amberpaw hissed at the fact that everything was so... normal. How come no one else was grieving for Duckpaw? Why? Because he was different. Small and white-furred, Duckpaw lived his life knowing only two things: hurt and hate. Amberpaw sniffled as her paws carried her to the entrance to camp. A paw poked her when she stopped to blink the tears away. "Amberpaw, Storkfeather wants you on the hunting patrol with Windstreak, Marshfoot, and Poppyfur." Amberpaw turned to see Brownbird looking at her. "Of course, Brownbird." Amberpaw nodded at the brown and white tom. Great, she thought, time with my friend's murderers. Chapter 2 Amberpaw managed to catch a scrawny vole. It was the beginning of Leaf-fall and the Clan was getting less and less food everyday. Good, no food for these fox-hearts! Amberpaw yowled in her mind. The ginger tabby she-cat grabbed her measly vole and turned to climb the ravine again. She could see her patrol waiting for her to return home. As she padded on, Amberpaw reached a perticular bush that still smelled like blood. Duckpaw's bush. Ridiculous as it might seem, Amberpaw found peace when she was near this bush. It was as if she could sense Duckpaw near, as if he were still here. But that wouldn't be right, now would it? That would mean his soul still traveled here and he wasn't at peace. Distant screams sounded in Amberpaw's ear as she passed the bush. Images of Duckpaw bleeding to death and that see-through object piercing his skin... Tears rolled down Amberpaw's already stained face. Her heart beat faster... No, wait, she had no heart. Duckpaw took it with him. Now it wandered lost and wounded with him, this heart she misplaced. Amberpaw looked at the clear blue sky. Not a cloud in sight. The bird song filled the forest with it's beatiful notes. The forest was beautiful, with it's ginger, red, and orange leaves. A bit too beautiful for Amberpaw's liking. She wondered now, if Duckpaw was searching for her, calling for her to come. Did he yowl out for the way it was before? Maybe not. "Where are you?" Amberpaw yowled at the sky, dropping her vole and breaking down. She covered her face with her paw. What if Duckpaw was lost? Did he need her help to get to peace? Was he still hurting inside? "I'm sorry," Amberpaw whispered. "I had to stay." Chapter 3 However much she tried, her happiness wasn't the same. Nor will Amberpaw ever be the same. She arrived in camp to see Turtlestep and Redstar basking in a patch of sunlight. How was it that they could be calm after losing their son? Amberpaw's memories crowded around her. She remembered when she stormed into camp, crying out that Duckpaw was dead. No one moved a muscle. Everyone just looked at her and shrugged, resuming what they were doing before the apprentice arrived. Amberpaw's eyes had widened at them. How could they not care? Redstar just sighed and Turtlestep rolled her eyes and muttered, "Good riddence," Amberpaw was angered that rainy night, and grieved for Duckpaw. She had stayed by his body near the bush for the whole night, refusing to leave him when a patrol found her in the morning. Is there really this much hate in this world? Chapter 4 "Hey, Amberpaw, will you come and walk with me?" Stormpaw asked when Amberpaw dropped her vole on the utterly small fresh-kill pile. Out of the corner of her eye, Amberpaw saw Flutterwing's kits, Ashkit and Hollowkit, playing near the nursery. "You be Duckpaw and I'll be Redstar!" Ashkit called and crouched. Hollowkit grimiced. "Why would I want to be that dead outcast?" "Because you look just like him!" Ashkit hissed and pawed playfully at Hollowkit's head. It was true. Hollowkit was a white tom with very pale gray patches. He had green eyes, too. Everyone thought Duckpaw had somehow reincarnated until they got Hollowkit into some sunlight and noticed his patches. If it weren't for that sunlight, there would be another outsider in MorningClan. Another Duckpaw. Chapter 5 "Um, sure." Amberpaw turned to look at Stormpaw and agreed to go with him. Stormpaw's yellow eyes flashed with joy and the silver tabby tom with black stripes danced around his fellow apprentice. "Great, come on!" He led Amberpaw out of camp. His actions reminded Amberpaw of the day she had persisted Duckpaw come with her to supposedly hunt. Really she just wanted to figure him out. Maybe even reveal her love. Stormpaw and Amberpaw walked side-by-side silently down the ravine. It was an awkward silence and Stormpaw was a bit stiff next to Amberpaw. Inside her, Amberpaw 's heart beat quickly as she passed the bush. It was so depressing knowing he was gone. Amberpaw needed someone to help her fill the empty space where he heart should be. But who would do that after everyone found out she liked Duckpaw? The small, white-furred, high-pitched tom who was hated by his family and loved sparrows? "Um, Amberpaw?" Stormpaw turned to look Amberpaw. "I... I know what happened to Duckpaw was hard, and that you loved him and all, but I think it's time for you to... forget." Amberpaw widened her eyes and she turned and hissed at Stormpaw. "How dare you say that? How could you when you admitted yourself that I loved him? How?" She screeched and lifted an unsheathed paw in the air. Stormpaw flinched and closed his eyes, waiting for the blood and pain to come. Amberpaw sighed and lowered her paw pushing Stormpaw roughly to the ground. "How can I forget all this when it was my own friends and family who killed him? Stormpaw, you didn't even like him. No one did." Stormpaw opened his eyes and motioned for Amberpaw to sit. "Listen, Amberpaw, I actually did like Duckpaw. I know it might not seem so, but I kind of wanted to be his friend. You might not believe me, but I also wanted to lay by his side the night he died." "Then why didn't you?" Amberpaw growled. "First of all, I didn't know where his body was. And second, I couldn't afford my mother and the others to think of me as a low-life, being the deputy's son and all." This made Amberpaw's stomach flare. "Well, Stormpaw, sometimes reputation isn't as important as friendship." Amberpaw got up and turned to the direction of Fourtrees. She tried to close off all sound when she heard the three words she had told Duckpaw: "I love you." Chapter 6 Curled up under the Great Rock, Amberpaw sniffled and cried. Those words hadn't reached her ears for so long. How could she hear them now when she's sadder than ever? Especially from Stormpaw. He had never been there for her until now. Maybe he did care... Soft pawsteps became louder as they neared. Amberpaw lifted her head and gasped, warmth rushing through her cold body. Amberpaw pushed her head into his white fur. "Duckpaw! I... thought I lost you," she added through tears. Duckpaw licked Amberpaw's cheek and purred. "My darling, Amberpaw, you have not lost me. Have I not told you before? I am with the stars in paradise. Look to the stars; I do recall saying that." Duckpaw purred and his steady and calm voice made Amberpaw chuckle a bit. "I miss you." "As do I." Amberpaw and the starry Duckpaw stayed together quite for a few minutes, before Duckpaw broke the silence. "Amberpaw, I see how Stormpaw feels for you. I also see something else, but you'll figure that out soon enough. And he wasn't lying. When I died, I saw inside of him. He did want to be my friend, but never admitted it. My darling, I must go." He added while looking at the sky, now beginning to speck with stars. "The stars are calling me." Amberpaw nodded her head. She watched as Duckpaw dissolved into thing air until he disappeared all together. Amberpaw lifted her paw in the air in a fail attempt to reach him. Crunching of leaves alerted the ginger tabby. Amberpaw looked over her shoulder and saw Stormpaw. "Amberpaw, I'm--" But Amberpaw didn't get to know what Stormpaw was, because she jumped towards him and pushed her fluffy head into his neck. Stormpaw stiffined, then relaxed. He licked Amberpaw's cheeck, exactly where Duckpaw had trailed his tongue. They stayed like that, both of them, in the Fourtrees clearing. Together. This was it. Stormpaw was the one to fill the empty space in her heart. However, there would always be space for Duckpaw, but this was now. In all her grieving, Amberpaw hadn't realized she loved Stormpaw back. -- However much we are blinded, Love will always be next to us. In a friend or a memory. ''--Silver'' Category:Silversong's Fanfiction Category:Fanfiction